Always make a big deal of her birthday, your wedding anniversary, and every holiday on the calendar up to and including Valentine’s Day. She needs to know that these days are special to you, too. And yes, she wanted a present; don't be an idiot. And don't tell her to go pick one out for herself.
Always go to bed
at the same time as she does.
With that said, not every touch needs to be sexual. In fact, if every time she touches you you expect it to turn into something sexual, you run the risk that she will stop touching you. Sometimes a woman just wants to sit close to you on the couch.
No matter
how strong she is, she will eventually break.
When that time comes, your job is to hold her and tell her everything is
going to work out even if you are scared to death that it isn’t. Because sometimes
it just isn’t about you. In fact, a lot of times it just isn't about you. Check your ego.
Always
acknowledge that you hear her. Let me repeat that: Always acknowledge that you hear her.
Your time
is not more important than her time. Ever.
If she
likes to dance, take her dancing. I don't care if you don't like to dance. You should have thought about that before you married her.
You didn't "do the laundry for her" and you don't need to point out every time you run the dishwasher. Those are your chores, too. Just do them and shut up about it. Yes, she notices. The reason she isn't impressed is because it's not 1950 anymore; you're just expected to do these things now.
Eat what
she cooks even if you don’t like it. She worked her ass off to get that dinner in front of you. I don't care how weird it looks or how different it is than the cooking you grew up with. (That said, your mother is a pretty damn good cook.)
There’s no
one you need to impress. If she is no longer impressed, maybe you were trying too hard to be impressive.
BE TRUTH. BE YOU. Never lie
or cover anything up, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. If you do, she will never fully trust you again no matter what you do to try to make up for it. And if she doesn't like your truth, then find someone who does.
It is my job to be your mother; it is her job to be your wife. Be her partner, not her child. (Side note: If you're smart, you will always take her side when I am pissed at her; I guarantee that I will be pissed at her eventually. I promise to remember that I said this.)
Always be kind, even when you are angry. Consciously choosing to use hurtful words--or to engage in hurtful actions--will only create wounds in the relationship that will never fully heal. And saying you're sorry later isn't a panacea for deliberate cruelty. Anger and violence are never the answer. For anything.
Your relationships with your family will be affected deeply by any existential crisis you have about your own identity, your social status, and your place in this world in general. Remembering that you are part of a greater whole and that all of your thoughts and actions will have ripple effects on your relationships will help keep your existential crisis from becoming the wrecking ball that sends her packing. If you're in this together and not just for yourself, you will have much greater success. And "being in this together" doesn't mean she supports all of your needs while you "find yourself"; it means you are in it TOGETHER.
Listen.
Breathe.
Be present--not just in body, but in mind and spirit as well.
I am sure I will think of more later and you know me, little man--you know I'll tell you what I'm thinking when it comes to me. In the meantime, son, just be aware that every word you say, every thought you have, and every action you take affects everyone and everything around you. You'll thank me later--and so will your wife.
Love,
Mom
