Every so often, once or twice a year, I get an insatiable urge to get rid of all the crap that accumulates in my home. I admit that I have a penchant for collecting things that go beyond the realm of human necessity, but this place just gets ridiculous. My son and I are fairly adept at purging the old to make room for the new. We regularly put together donation boxes full of clothes that are no longer worn, toys that have ceased to be interesting, and things of the like. My daughter and her father, however, are a different story. They inherited my mother-in-law's packrat gene. Once it's in the house, it isn't supposed to leave.
My husband will take offense and try to convince you that I speak false, but he's deluding himself. This is a man who, when I moved in with him, had a box full of random documents and reciepts that included small bits of paper with phone numbers written on them. The problem was that there were no names to accompany the phone numbers. I also recall a certain pair of "jams" (look up that 80's fashion trend, young 'uns) that held no sentimental value and that he was never, ever going to wear again. His mother used to be afraid to pull his things out of her basement and send them to our house for fear that I would throw them away. I did no such thing. I just did my damndest to convince him that he should throw them away.
And my daughter...oh my daughter. She is the ultimate consumer. She wants to buy crap every time we step foot in a store. Already own six hats? Need another. Have several purses in the closet? There's always room for one more. I will admit that she and I both have a thing for shoes that is a little out of control (okay maybe a lot out of control), but a properly attired woman does need several different colors and styles of shoes. And boots. Right?
So as I sit here pondering what I am going to do about all this stuff--mind you I just looked at the clock and it is 2:00 a.m., yet I start putting together boxes and bags anyway because I just can't take it anymore--I am putting together a list of all the stuff that we just plain don't need, things that need to go, and even things that should have never made it into the house to begin with.
1. Let's start with the paper bag full of other paper bags that I found in the basement about an hour ago. I think I put that together to go out to the curb on recycling day. How it ended up in storage is beyond me.
2. At the risk of looking a gift horse in the mouth, we have a problem with the accumulation of things from family members who buy our kids stuff we don't ask for or need. Like puzzles. I just found about eight puzzles, all mixed up and with pieces missing, of course, in a storage unit behind the couch. I don't think the kids even remember them. But this is the kind of thing I'm taking about. I appreciate that people want to buy a little something for my kids, but they don't need much. Jim suggested setting up a Paypal account so that if people feel like giving the kids something they can just toss in 20 bucks for them to go to college. I told him it's a clever, yet useless, idea. No one would do it; they'd still just buy stuff. Personally, I'd rather if people want to get gifts for my children that they pay for them to take some kind of lessons (dance, art, music, whatever), foot the bill for the kids to go to a workshop or camp (Cub Scout day camp, science camp in summer), purchase family museum memberships for the places the kids love to visit, or just take them on a trip somewhere.
3. Don't get me started on the cheap crappy toys that break within a week.
4. And while we're on the subject, I want to strangle the person whose idea it was to put plastic junk into kids meals. The toys are stupid, are forgotten about within hours, and are fodder for landfills.
5. I need to learn to admit to myself that I am never going to use all those sewing patterns.
6. My husband has a thing for keeping empty boxes--the ones for his music gear, the vacuum cleaner box, some old packaging from a radio control car toy--you know, things we desperately need.
7. Why do we have a huge, heavy, old rotary phone??
8. Ooooh, those impulse buys at craft stores because they are on clearance and I sure love making stuff! Now if only I could find the time.
9. Oh, and then there are the things I become obsessed with for a while and then lose interest in. I was really into canning until I stopped wanting to eat food that had been processed (even at home on my own stove). Now I have a colossal stash of mason jars just sitting in boxes.
10. At least I have learned about purchasing junk thinking I couldn't afford something better--only to have to toss it and buy something better. Add to this list three blenders, one food dehydrator, and seven or eight vacuum cleaners. In the end I had to admit that my husband was right. We are too poor to buy cheap crap. Now I have a $100 blender, an Excalibur dehydrator, and a Dyson vacuum. Had I just bought those things in the first place I'd have saved money and contributed less to the size of local landfills.
11. Stuffed f**king animals. I could open a zoo.
12. Worksheets from school--UGH! The kids' teachers kill more trees than I care to think about. Every day these folders come home with worksheet after worksheet that I have to throw away when the kids aren't looking lest I hurt their feelings. But what's really hard to contend with is the art project stuff. As a parent, I feel like a total jerk throwing it away, but at the same time, how am I supposed to save every last thing that my children ever touched with a glue stick?
13. HOLIDAY JUNK. I can't tell you how many people have given us Christmas and Halloween decorations. Last year I owned FOUR freaking Christmas trees. I'm down to two. I no longer find joy in decorating even one of them. I have more important things to do than deal with holiday decorations.
14. Why the hell do we own all these books? Half this information--if not more--can now be learned via conducting a basic Google search.
15. Then there's the cupboards. That local bee pollen that was supposed to keep me from having horrible seasonal allergies in the spring? Please. Just get me about 100 doses of Benadryl, because nothing else works. Those crackers that were opened then shoved so far back on the shelf that nobody could see them anymore? So stale not even the birds want them.
And this is only the beginning. I've barely had a chance to graze the surface of the "Stuff Dilemma" in this house. I sit here and try to convince myself that things are going to change, but I've been exercising "The Purge" multiple times per year for over a decade and it doesn't leave me with a whole lot of hope. Good God,show us how to just let go of all of this stuff. It just clutters up our house, our lives, and ultimately, our planet. Things seriously need to change around here. Except for the size of my bead stash. You never know when I might need about 30 pounds of beads.
