Let me begin with this disclaimer: I have friends and family who love to host parties, and who are great with little kids, and I do not begrudge them their choice to throw a big birthday bash whenever it suits them. My kids have had a great deal of fun at some of these birthday parties, and I am grateful for that. Far be it from me to criticize a friend for showing generosity to my family.
With that said, I don't do kids' birthday parties at my house, nor do I pay money to have them hosted elsewhere. Not anymore, anyway.
I will begin with the apolitical reasons why I will never again, under any circumstances, host another children's birthday party in my home. First of all, the only reason I started inviting school friends to have parties in my home (note, I will not spend $200+ to rent space for this kind of thing) was because we moved away from our hometown when the kids were small, and I felt bad that there was no family nearby to invite. I didn't even invite that many kids--I think the most I ever invited was ten, the fewest, five. On my son's 6th birthday, my husband went to great lengths to make a treasure map and bury a real "pirate chest" in our yard so my son could dig it up. We filled it with real metal doubloons, rhinestone jewelry, and glass and plastic gems. The neighbor boy, who wants nothing to do with my son except when it comes to birthday parties, took a liking to the treasure and we caught him pocketing some of the coins. A couple weeks later, said neighbor boy came over to play, and when he left, all the jewelry in the treasure chest was gone. I never did get up the nerve to ask his mother if she would look for it. It was too awkward. Then came my daughter's 5th birthday. After it was over, I went up to her bedroom to find nearly everything she owned strewn all over the floor and nail polish spilled into her rug. I nearly had a panic attack over it; my husband had to clean it up for me so I wouldn't have to be hauled off in a straight jacket.
Destruction and theft aside, I just can't handle that many kids in my house. I teach teenagers, and I can tell you with 100% honesty that I would much sooner have 20 teenagers in my home than five kindergarteners. Little kids run, they scream, they make a mess, they cry, they fight, they let their noses run all over everything, and they pee their pants. I spend five hours of my life preparing for the party, two hours suffering through it, and 48 hours recovering from shock. Birthday parties turn me into a raving lunatic. No thank you.
Now onto my liberal hippie commentary.... When I was a kid (I know, I'm getting old when I start using that cliche), my mother invited grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins to come have a simple cake and ice cream party. People would usually bring gifts, but certainly were not made to feel obligated. There was no Chuck-E-Cheese, no Little Gym, no McDonald's Playland, no big barbeque fiesta at the local public pool. We hosted parties in our homes, and that was that.
Now that I have children of my own, it seems things have changed. Now you can't simply offer a cake and some ice cream anymore. Parents are expected to buy party favors, pinatas, and dinner as well. Today's birthday parties dictate that there be games with prizes, and that the kids will be supplied with craft supplies to make sock puppets, or icing to decorate cookies. Giant inflatable moonwalk attractions are rented. Every damn kid in the school is invited, not just close friends. And home parties aren't good enough anymore. The cool kids' parents rent space in public places--at museums, at the zoo, at the local crappy restaraunt--for hundreds of dollars. If a kid is lucky enough to have parents who will throw away that kind of cash, they are guaranteed more guests at their parties. Even the kids who don't like you will show up if your party is being held at an amusement park and all expenses are paid. All it costs is the price of a gift.
And let's talk about the gifts. Why don't we just send our money directly to China, or throw it into a furnace? So you get 30 people to show up to your party--this means at least 30 gifts, usually more, because some parents feel the need to buy multiple gifts for children that they do not know and to whom they have no particular attachment. So now little Sam or Sally gets all this crap that he or she will most likely lose interest in within 20 minutes, or that will break within a week.
We have taken a day that is supposed to be a celebration of life and we have turned it into a cheap, consumerist, gluttonous freak show. We spend boatloads of money to fill children with high fructose corn syrup and Crisco, top it off with a side of Kool-Aid, and then wonder why the kids in this culture have type-2 diabetes and too many extra pounds. Why not just save the money and the bullcrap, take the kid out for a proper dinner at a decent restaurant, and buy the kid a high quality gift that he or she really desires and that can be enjoyed for longer than a week?
So here's what it boils down to, at least for me. I refuse to teach my kids that birthdays are all about stuffing your face with frosting, bribing guests with baggies filled with cheap toys, or seeing how many presents you can get. I want them to see that birthdays are about sharing time with close friends and family to celebrate the fact that you are alive, that you are loved, and that you are worth more than what any amount of money can buy.
